Moony's hell
by miliet
Summary: Remus remember about some moments in his life. Flashback mainly. OotP spoilers.


A/N : Hullo! Hmm… Well, This is, again, my first fanfiction, but I revised it. Someone told me the Italics **were** kind of annoying so I changed it. For the description, I'll have to think about it a little more (on how to do it, that is). So, that's it! Please read and review ^_____^. 

(Note: The song is _"Hello" _by Evanesance)

Moony's hell

_Playground school bells rings again....._

Gosh... It was cold.... Remus clutched his cloak to him, hoping to get a little warmer.... The boat leading the first years to Hogwarts was slowly advancing.... Just as the castle came into view, he felt something gripping him, taking him into the deep water of the Hogwarts ground. Water surrounded him as panic took over his body. A firm hand got grip of his neck, he was in the boat again.

«Well, said a black haired boy who seemed as wet as him, you're a heavy guy!» 

«Lucky Sirius and I noticed you falling! » replied another dark haired boy.

«What's your name? »

«Remus......»

«Well, I'm Sirius, that's James and the one there is Peter!_ »_

_Raincloud comes to play again....._

«Guys, hmmm.... This is Lily.»

«We know Lily you git,» said a smiling Sirius.

«Yeah.. Well the thing is hmmm.... we are ... hmmmm....»

«You're going out! You're finally going out!!» squeaked a jumping Peter.

Sirius's face changed instenenely, going from a genuine smile to a deep raging frown. He stormed out of the room.

«What....?» 

«Ah... Lily....Remus... do you know what?»

Moony was already out of the room, searching for Padfoot. 

Sitting on a stair leading to the astronomy tower, Sirius barely heard the soft spoken: «There you are..»

As Remus sat next to him, Padfoot began to rage.

«How could he! She's a girl! She's going to ruin everything!! No more pranks for him, he'll say, Lily wants us to be "prefects" next year, and then he'll abandon us to be with her, and she'll try and find us all "nice pretty girls" who'll obviously be some of her "dear friends" and... and...»

«And you were in love with her too....»

«......... God Moony, how do you do it......»

«Don't worry pal.... I won't tell anyone but.... you know... He wouldn't have if he'd known... I'm sure....»

«I know... I know.... but still... It hurts so much.....»

«Don't worry, it'll go away after some time....»

«How do you..?»

«Hey, I'm human too you know... Its not because I turn in a fur covered beast each month that I can't love.»

_Has no one told you she's not breathing....?_

The house was still fuming... Sirius couldn't believe it... He searched through the ash...

'No.. It can't be ... It shouldn't be.... Lily... James.... Harry.... Harry...'

«Sirius? 's that you?»

«Hagrid! Hagrid! What happened? Where's Lily? Where's James?! Where's... Oh! You have Harry! What... Hagrid what happened!?....»

«Sirius, ca'm down.... We al' knew it was boun' to 'appen....»

«Don't.. please.. Its...who was it? WHO WAS IT!!! »

«Well.. you, know…You know who...»

«Damn........»

«?»

«Hagrid... leave me Harry.. Please! I'll take care of him! I'm his god father... please...»

«Sorry... 'can't.... Dumbledore told me... there there.... don't cry......'ts... t's gonna be... okay..... »

Sirius crumbled.

«What have I done...... Remus......»

He stood up, wiping the tears...

«Here... Take the keys Hagrid, I won't need it anymore...»

«Gee..... Thanks Sirius...Bu' I 'ave to go now....»

«Hmmm.....» 

'Peter...............You. Are. Going. To. Suffer.'

And he started running to his doom.

_Hello? I am your mind giving you someone to talk to..... Hello?_

Remus woke up as a «tap, tap» echoed through the window.

«Hey you. What is it? Here..» He said as he opened the door and took the letter. The owl flew back without even a look...

«Lets see...Maybe it's a job.. ..I hope......I....Dear god.....Please....No.....James.....Sirius..»

The letter fell on his lap as a small growl escaped his lip... The wolf in him let out a howl. Then, slowly, the tears started to roll on his cheek... one... another one.... again.....

He let the wolf take over... He would soon wake up.. It was only dawn... It could be a dream.... Yes... just let the wolf take over.... It'll be easier that way... less... painful......

_If I smile and don't believe..... Soon I know, I'll wake from this dream...._

«Hmmmm.... Life sentence in Azkaban, but in a way, maybe we should thank him... Because, technically, he was the cause of You know who's downfall...»

Remus winced. Ignoring the by passer look of concern, he hurried down the street. He didn't want to think about James, Lily, Peter or Sirius... Especially Sirius.... He still couldn't believe it... He had cared for the bastard so much.... And, he had thought... that maybe.... he too.... But now... now.... No, he really didn't want to think about him....

He had to be in the best of mood... He *needed* a job. 

_Don't try to fix me I'm not broken..._

«Remus? Remus are you there?»

«Why, Minerva, what... what are you doing in my fireplace?!»

«Dumbledore wants to see you, come. Hurry!»

«Yes, yes I'm coming!»

The floo powder brang him in Dumbledore's office where Sirius, Snape, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Arabella Figg, Alastor Moody and, as he judged by her appearance, a teenage girl waited.

«Ah! Remus, finally, everyone's there. Sit, sit! There...Do you...»

«Albus.» a stern Mcgonnagal said.

«Yes, yes, sorry Minerva.»

«Now that you have all of us here do hurry before those two kill each other off...» Alastor Moody said, eyeing Sirius and Snape.

«Yes well, it's a difficult matter. As most of you know, the one monster of his time, Lord Voldemort, has finally risen again. Now, before I continue further I have to warn you again that agreeing to what I am about to propose may put you, and your family, your friends, your coworkers in great danger.....»

Dumbledore continued « Everyone wanting to join, once again, the order of the Phoenix raise your arm....»

All arms were raised.

«Good.....Good...» said the headmaster with a sad sight.__

_Hello? I am the lie living for you so you can hide... _

«WHY? DAMN IT! WHY??»

«Sirius, understand that I'm doing this for you're own good. If someone saw you now, when we need all the help we can get.... Every death eater now know how and what you look like when you transform!»

«Dumbledore! I'm Dying here! My mother keeps screaming at me, Kreacher... lets just *not* talk about him and that.... crap of a family tree...»

«Sirius...»

«Let me help! Please!!»

«You've already help enough! What would Harry do if ANYTHING happened to you! You will stay here and not show yourself to the outside world! Understood?!»

«Yes...» mumbled an angry Sirius.__

_Don't cry...._

«Remus...»

Lupin ran to the upper floor just in time to catch a dirty, desperate Sirius as he began to cry.

«Remus.... Help me....»

«Shhhh... I'm there... It's going to be okay... Just calm down...»

Remus took Sirius to his bedroom.

«What happened?»

«Nothing! Nothing! That's exactly it! I can't stand it anymore... This house, This ambiance, The elf, The memories.... I hate them so much Moony.... »

«I know... I know...» said the werewolf as he clutched his friend a little harder... He'd have to talk to Dumbledore.... It really was going to far...

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping..... Hello......?_

He saw the body fall.... Not Sirius... Not Padfoot.... just, the body....

He saw Harry yell, tying to get him back...

He saw himself taking the boy, telling him it was over that... he... was gone...

And then he blacked out... He thought the boy ran.... He didn't care.... It couldn't be true...

Pad... "He" had waited so long... 12 years in Azkaban... Then imprisoned in his own house... It really couldn't be true...

But the cold floor was true, the screams slowly coming back was true.... He couldn't wake up... He wasn't sleeping... It wasn't a dream.... James... Peter... Sirius.... They weren't a dream....__

_I'm still here ... All that's left of yesterday......._

Remus stood in the house... It was empty... Oh, Tonks, Fletcher and Molly were there... But... "They" weren't there. Wormtail, Prongs, Padfoot.

Peter was gone forever.....

James and Lily.... They were the reason Peter was gone... from his heart anyway...

And Sirius... Sirius was... but... he... couldn't.......__

«PADFOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............ Come back.»__


End file.
